I'll come right out and say it just to make this easier on both of us. I'm just not into you anymore. Look, it's not you, it's me. You've changed, sure, but for the better. You're bigger. You're smarter. You're clearer. You look stunning. In fact you look better than ever.
But looks aren't everything.
To be fair, I need to let you know, there's someone else. And I think you know who I'm talking about. I'm not going to hurt your feelings by telling you that the other party is smarter, funnier, freakier (heh), and younger. But. Well. You know it's true.
I'll spit it out. It's the Internet. But you knew that, didn't you? You've known for some time this would happen.
We can and will still be friends. Late at night on a weekend when I've had a couple too many drinks, you know we'll hook up. We always have and always will. And hey, who knows. Maybe a few years down the road, the three of us could.. well you know where that's going. Oh, but think of the possibilities if only you'd let the Internet plug into you...
Of course you'll still get to see the kids as often as you want. They love you, and that love is unconditional. They'll always be there for you (and your little yellow sponge of course).
I must be going now. I need to catch the latest news and as you know... well.. I just can't wait around any longer for you to tell me the news when I can get it instantly from the Internet.
Take care, be well, and I'll see you soon I promise.