Texas Drivers!

When on the open highway, Texans have a few unique characteristics. And I'm not just stereotyping, I've put myself in the habit of not looking at plates. I can immediately recognize someone who is from Texas. Look at their plates and 8 times out of 10 they are from Texas. 1 time out of 10 they're from Kalifornia.

Cat and Mouse:
A Texan will come up behind you like a bat out of hell, then get right on your ass, but will not pass. If you gun it up to 80 or so to put yourself a hundred yards ahead of him, he will gun it to 90 to catch up with you, get back on your ass, and stay there.

If you happen to get into traffic and play the passing game for a while, he'll probably fall way behind you. Within 10 minutes or so you'll completely lose sight of him in your rearview mirror. 20 minutes later, here he comes, zooming past you at 90. At this point, he'll either get in front of you and slow down (see Pass and Slow), or he'll get out of sight in front of you. If he gets out of sight in front of you, chances are 50% that you'll pass him like he's standing still later. Then we go back to step 1.

None Shall Pass:
Texans HATE to have another vehicle in front of them, except for when they're playing Cat and Mouse. If you attempt to pass a Texan, they will speed up. It never fails. NEVER. The only way to pass a Texan is to speed up 7 - 10mph and take the chance of getting a ticket. If you do happen to get past a Texan, they will either begin Cat and Mouse or Pass and Slow. This WILL happen to you if you pass a Texan and don't want to change your speed to about 7 - 10mph faster than you were going before.

Pass and Slow:
This is a trademark Texan move. Like I said, Texans HATE to have another vehicle in front of them. When a Texan is finished playing Cat and Mouse or if you happen to overtake him and get past his None Shall Pass, then you'll fall victim to Pass and Slow.

The Texan will decide that he wants to go about 5mph faster than you. He'll pass you (without using his turn signal of course), and he will get back into the right lane just soon enough to make you have to tap your breaks. In other words, he'll cut you off. Here's the kicker. He'll then slow down about 1-2mph SLOWER than you! Yeah. He will.

So what do you do? Go past him? See None Shall Pass and Cat and Mouse.

You would think that driving from STL to Madison and back you wouldn't run into too many Texans. Texans are like West Nile, there's some everywhere you go.

Here's the worst part. I don't think they realize they do any of the above. But they almost all do when on the open highway. In fact, when they do a Pass and Slow and you pass them, maintaining your speed and not cutting them off, they get pissed and they think you got in front of them and slowed down! It's true!

Next time you see one of these maneuvers, take a look at the plate. I betcha it will be Texas!

OMG! I'm Not a Gamer Anymore!

WTF happened? When I was a small child I had a Caleco Vision with the Atari 2600 adapter. I played Donkey Kong and PacMan nonstop. Then, of course, I played ET. Like the rest of the gaming world, I gave up on video games after ET.

I then switched over to the Commodore 64 and played Ultima III and Ultima IV. Then to the PC. Add Ultima V. Ultima VI. Etc.

Then there was the NES. I was all about Super Mario Bros I, II, and III. Mega Man. Dragon Warrior. Zelda. Etc.

I played that until the Sega Genesis. I used to sit around listening to Stone Temple Pilots playing NHL 95 for hours on end. And Mortal Kombat of course.

Then it was back to the PC. Wolf3d. Doom. Quake. Quake 2. Quake 3. Soldier of Fortune. You get the idea. FPS games. There was also my on-again-off-again love affair with Ultima Online that started in 1997 and continues to this day.

Enter the PS1. And the PS2. Sure there were other games but it was all about the Madden franchise. Hours upon hours, games upon games, seasons upon seasons.

Finally my PS2 died a couple years ago. Because of the price of the PS3 and XBOX 360, there was no way I was going to upgrade. Back to the PC. More Ultima Online. The occasional trip into Oblivion or Sim City Societies.

Then Andy got sick. That pretty much put an end to my UO addiction. And for some reason I can't get back into it.

I was thinking of giving WoW a shot. But ya know. $15 a month. For a game that I will rarely, if at all, play. Can't see it.

Why can't I get into video games anymore? They're just not fun. Maybe that's why I like DnD? Because it's back to the basics, no hard drives, no CPUs, no RAM, no display adapters, no controllers, etc. Or maybe because it's fun playing an annoying little pissant of a gnome bard?

Or maybe it's because I'm so sick of people screaming, "lol j00 got pwnz3d n00b! now gfy"

Crap Weasel.

Pet Peeves

• Office politics
  
• Linux zealotry
  
• High handicappers who insist on playing from the back tees
  
• Billy Mays
  
• Hotties who refuse to show some skin
  
• Bigotry
  
• People who pretend they know what they're talking about
  
• People who talk on the phone while driving
  
• People who don't use their blinker
  
• People who don't check their blindspot
  
• Kanadians
  
• Greg (see Kanadians)
  
• People who think weed is a "drug"
  
• Litigiousness
  
• The wealthy who think they're better than I because they're rich
  
• The poor who refuse to get a job because they'll lose their welfare
  
• Kanadians
  
• Crimes against the state
  
• Liberal tax increases
  
• Spam
  
• SPAM
  
• Ignorance
  
• Dumb people
  
• Speed traps in the name of revenue
  
• .08 instead of .10 (See "revenue")
  
• Greg
  

In the end we'll die anyway.

Have a nice weekend!