Nice Catch!

A peer at work for whom I have a good deal of respect recently told me, half-jokingly, that I'm a blow-hard. It's been bothering me ever since. I didn't really realize it until this person in particular told me bluntly, joking or not, but really it's true. I've kinda turned into the guy in the workplace that I always said I wouldn't be. What I say goes, and don't question me. Wow, I'm glad I didn't get that management position a while back or I'd be one hell of a prick boss by now.

After a couple days of this eating my stomach I decided to tell Julie about this little problem. I don't know`what kind of reaction I was expecting, but she 100% agreed and gave me anecdotal evidence of this in my everyday life around the house.

I've been very introspective lately, despite my appearance on the outside. Something changed my personality at some point, and not for the better. I tried to do an inventory and I came up with this. I'm not the same person I was in 2005. As many of you know, 2006 sucked. I feel like I lost half of the people in my life in 2006. 2007 was no picnic as probably all of you know. Strangely enough 2008 was great but whatever is wrong with me continued.

So there's that. There's also the fact that by 2006, thereabouts, I had multiple children at certain key ages. They take a lot of patience, and patience isn't one of my best virtues, although Patience is one of my best friends.

A typical parental bad habit has sprung up at some point. When my kids don't listen to me, I get frustrated. The thing is I have 3 of them and they're 2, 3, and 5. So there's ALWAYS one of them who is disobeying for whatever reason. So it seems worse on a per-child basis than it actually is. The thing is, lately the frustration level has been so high that when any of the 3 doesn't listen I just go into a blind range and raise my voice and put them in the corner or send them to their room. It happens.

So enter work-life. Right now things have to go the way I say, OR ELSE! Well. At home. But wait. At work too now.

Oh shit.

Ok so here's the deal. It all comes down to patience. I need more patience at home and at work. And I think if I can get more patience at one place it will come at the other.

Kelleys aren't known for their patience. Ask any of them.

So I caught myself today. Twice. The first time was at work. I realized I was about to go into a "blind rage" and be a blow-hard. I stopped myself and talked to the person from a different perspective and in the end things worked out. At home I stopped myself from going off on all 3 kids when Joey wasn't listening, even though his actual infraction, in and of itself, wasn't really all that bad. Instead I sat down with them, got to their level, and explained in a fun way that I wanted them to play in their rooms tonight instead of downstairs. In the end it worked out.

Ok so I'm missing a key step there. I had to get heavy-handed with the kids to get them to go upstairs. But once I made them just a tad-bit afraid of dear ol' dad, they jumped.

The thing is, in both cases I didn't feel like an ass 30 minutes later. This was a good feeling!

Nice catch.

So This is What It's Like?

2 kids at one grandparents, the other at another. It was a nice, peaceful Friday night. Saturday morning was nice and peaceful as well. In fact, we're getting stuff done today. This must be what it's like to not have kids.

But wait. It kinda sux.

Screw that, I'll take the kids over the peace and quiet any day!

Happy Super Saturday! Go Cardinals! Greg Sux!

Long Overdue Andy Update (INCLUDES A PIC!)

Ok, I was talking to one of you today. It made me realize I'm way overdue for an Andy update.

Andy's still in speech therapy. The good news is he's really doing well. I've been spending time getting to his eye level and just talking to him. I think this is helping. A wise man once told me that kids will really listen to you and respect you if you get down to their eye level.

So far he doesn't seem to have any other remaining effects from chemo. I occasionally worry about his overall development, then I realize I'm not being fair. I'm comparing him to Joey & Emma when they were at that age. The thing is that Joey and Emma are both unusually quick in most areas of development. That's the #1 rule of parenting multiple kids: don't compare.

With any luck we'll be past the speech therapy within a few short months. But really we don't know how long this will last. Frankly, it will last as long as it needs to last.

I think this may be the last thing in which he's running behind.

We should be hearing from the Costas Center soon. It's getting close to time for him to get another CT scan, blood work, and see his oncologist.

Now, the long-awaited pic! A great pic of the big guy from Christmas. Check out the bed head on that mop top! He's come quite a long way from shiny smooth chemo head!

2008 - Much Better Than 2006 - 2007!

2006 and 2007 sucked. Everyone died in 2006. It was one after another. The only good thing to come out of 2006 was Andy. If I had to sum up 2006 in a word it would be: loss.

2007 sucked. People continued to die. And my son picked up this little disease known as cancer. I spent all of my energy on Andy. And the constant fear didn't really help any. If I had to sum up 2007 in a word it would be: exhaustion.

2008 was much better. It has been an awkward year for me personally. The first part of the year was pretty much putting a cap on the whole cancer thing. Since then it's been all about healing. Physically and developmentally for Andy. Mentally and emotionally for Julie and me. In fact if I had to sum up 2008 in a word it would be: healing.

For those of you who have known me for some time you know that I've changed over the last 18 months or so. That is, I'm really not the same as I was before this whole cancer thing. I have a different perspective on life. I think I'm still trying to find myself. Right now I'm pretty much a dad and I'm living day to day. I guess I really don't have time to be anything else. 3 young kids will do that to anyone I suppose. Julie's pretty much in the same situation.

I'm curious to see what 2009 will bring. Although for those of you who really know me you know that my new year begins on April 11. But the time between now and then starts to set the foundation of the coming year.

We'll see what happens.

Andy has speech therapy tonight. He's making progress.

The Kelley News Reel (Andy Update!)

I've either been too sick or too busy to make any significant posts lately, so here goes.

First Andy. We went to the hospital yesterday to meet the surgeon. Seems like a nice guy. He has no problems getting the boy's port out. He was more concerned about the hernia that started it all. Left alone this type of hernia could potentially cause bowel blockage and ultimately... well.. we don't need any more problems.

So they did an ultrasound on Andy who was extremely well-behaved during the procedure. No meds necessary to get him to sit still even!

Once the surgeon looks at the ultrasound he'll decide if Andy still needs to have the hernia fixed. Either way we'll get his surgery scheduled soon.

At the hospital people kept stopping us in the hall to say hello to the little boy in the car who's no longer in the car. A couple of people recognized him from the billboard.

We went to the 4th floor. They were really excited to see him and how healthy he is. One thing I noticed in our stay there was that they always like to see their recovered kids. The fruits of their labor really.

In other news Joey's home! He had a great time. My dad claims they went sightseeing. Joey said they got lost and drove all over Kansas City. All a matter of perspective.

It's looking like shank or be shanked for Joe. Public school for kindergarten and probably first grade. I'm thinking by the time we have 2 in school and 1 at the babysitter we should be able to afford private school.

Joey lost another tooth! It happened while boxing with my brother. Ha!

Emma. What can I say? She's our Em! It still amazes me how fast she is picking up on things just from doing whatever Joey does. She sure looks up to her big bubba.

On the Kandian front, Greg's wife caught him in bed with a man.

On the radom neuron side of things, I do not exceed the speed limit on the highway. If I'm driving across state and the speed limit is 65, I go 65. Not sure why. I just do. Actually yes, I know why. With every action I take on the road, I ask myself, "Can I afford a ticket?" If the answer is no, I don't do it.

Julie's grilling kick continues. Every time I turn around the BBQ pit is fired up. I'm definitely not complaining!

Let's see.. Sports. Why can't the NL win? Why? Why? For the love of hell, guys! Win a damn game! Screw the yankees! Screw the sox!

Economy! Gas prices should be either at their highest point of the year or almost there. Assuming no hurricanes, war, or other uncontrollable significant factors.

Nuke Kanada!

Random Neurons Firing!

It's been quite a while since the last time random neurons fired like crazy. Right now I'm sitting here waiting for a job to finish for work, so I have a few spare minutes. Time for a brain dump.

Greg. What else can I say? You're Kanadian. You'll always be Kanadian. Quiche tastes like crap and is only eaten by homosexual Kanadian dwarves. Munchos aren't bad but breakfast? Kanadian!

Kalifornians. Please quit trying to run the country.

This video aired on Noggin which is a channel that the kids watch. I find this disturbing on many levels.

Why aren't displaced flood families screaming for FEMA like in Katrina? Oh yeah, because they actually heeded warnings. And they're not used to having everything handed to them by the government.

PTSD sux!

Cancer sux!

Kanada sux!

Greg sux!

I have a Kandian flag hanging in my basement. Courtesy of Greg of course.

The thinner deli meat is sliced the better it is. Unless it's ham. I love a ham steak.

I'm going to grill some ham steaks. And I'm gonna smother them in habanero jelly while they're on the grill. That will rox!

Andy's running a bit slow, developmentally, from a speech perspective. He's just not wanting to talk. He can understand what you say to him but he just won't talk.

Emma's running a bit slow on potty training. She simply won't go.

Courtney Love is still a skank ho.

"I don't think they realize how much they suck!" -- Dave Grohl, c1992-ish, talking about Extreme.

I have no sympathy for drug addicts. Don't get me wrong, I'm of the view that if people want to do something fun that gives pleasure, go for it! But if you get in too deep, it's your own damn fault, get out of it or go the hell away. You probably got there from feeling sorry for yourself to begin with. of about on under beside.

I can't listen to Champagne Supernova without getting that dreadful feeling.

I still haven't shed a single tear over the whole Andy-cancer thing. Not one.

P&B are honorary Kelleys. We still can't thank the two of them enough for everything they did for us while Andy was sick.

We need to get Greg's mom and dad over for some BBQ sometime soon!

I have a golf tourney coming up this Sunday. Should be fun.

2-year-olds are a pain in the ass!

Parents of Children with Cancer Commonly Have PTSD Symptoms

http://www.cancerpage.com/news/article.asp?id=9051

Copy of the article:

NEW YORK NOV 11, 2005 (Reuters Health) - Most parents of children undergoing cancer treatment report posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, according to a report in the October 20th Journal of Clinical Oncology.

Symptoms of PTSD have been reported in parents of children who have completed treatment for cancer, the authors explain, but it remains unclear when PTSD symptoms arise during the course of treatment.

Dr. Anne E. Kazak and colleagues from Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and University of Pennsylvania used the Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Reaction Index (PTSD-RI) and the Impact of Event Scale-Revised (IES-R) to evaluate PTSD symptoms in 119 mothers and 52 fathers of 171 children in current treatment for a pediatric malignancy. Overall participant rate was 78.6%.

The mean PTSD-RI scores for mothers and fathers were within the range of moderate PTSD, the authors report. All but one parent reported symptoms consistent with at least mild PTSD.

More than two thirds of the mothers and 57% of the fathers had PTSD within the moderate-to-severe range, the results indicate. In families in which both parents participated in the survey, 79.2% had at least one parent with moderate-to-severe PTSD.

Only rarely did both parents report severe symptoms, and it was uncommon for both parents to report mild PTSD.

Treatment intensity was not associated with distress level for mothers or fathers, the researchers note, but there was a low-magnitude negative association between the length of time since their child's diagnosis and the level of PTSD.

"These data raise complex issues regarding the meaning of elevated PTSD symptoms during treatment," the investigators write. "Given the high rate of prevalence of PTSD symptoms, for example, it would be inappropriate to assume that PTSD symptoms indicate psychiatric impairment. They are, for many, part of the process of responding and reacting to one's circumstances and may be adaptive in certain ways."

"Knowledge and attention to PTSD symptoms can lead to more appropriate multidisciplinary care of the patient and family," the authors conclude.

"Early identification of at-risk families may promote the development and evaluation of effective brief treatments. By helping caregivers address their own psychological well-being, we may be best assuring that the psychological needs of the patients are also met."

"Brief and efficacious treatments have been developed to assist parents in adjusting to their child's diagnosis and treatment, and effective psychological treatments for posttraumatic disorders have been developed," writes Dr. Sharon Manne from Fox Chase Cancer Center, Philadelphia, in a related editorial.

"Traditional evaluations of parent distress should be broadened to include assessment of traumatic stress responses, and parents should be screened routinely and offered evidence-based psychosocial care when they experience severe levels of traumatic stress symptomatology," Dr. Manne concludes.

Sometimes It's Not So Great...

So as usual my day started at 6:15am when Emma woke up and started knocking on her door. We came downstairs, she started breakfast, everything was okay. So I decided to go upstairs to brush my teeth and get dressed.

You guessed it. 6:40am and Emma was in the boys' room jumping up and down on Andy's bed. Keep in mind Joey & Andy usually sleep until 9:00.

So you can imagine just how well-behaved everyone was today. Oh yeah don't forget Emma's sick.

Finally! 10:30 came around! I made them an early lunch and put the babies in bed at 11:00. Andy went right down, no problems.

It's 2pm and Emma's still upstairs in her room alternating between being quiet and kicking on her door screaming. I occasionally go upstairs to tell her she's not coming out until she takes a nap.

I love my kids. I really do. But I can't wait for Julie to get home. She has the kids tonight. I'm going to lock myself in the basement or something along those lines.

Some days are better than others.

P.S. Who the hell is this "L" person who's checking on me? They seem to know me well and have known me for a long time. That narrows it down to about 4 or 5 people.

Life Rox

I've decided I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world. Here's why.

Yesterday I was at work when I decided I wanted a soda. So I plopped Andy in his stroller (cuz he walks slow), told Emma to hold the stroller and Joey to hold Emma's hand. We all proceeded to walk to the gas station where I got my soda and the kids each got a small treat. Yeah. I was "at work" when I walked with my kids to the gas station.

After we walked back home I resumed my work day.

I work from home 3 days a week. The brats stay home with me. Sure it takes more than 8 hours to get in an 8-hour work day, but it's not really so much about the hours as it is getting the job done. I'm lucky (or talented?) enough to be able to not only do my job exceptionally well but to also be a good dad at the same time. Yeah I'm tooting my own horn saying I'm exceptional at my job but then again everyone at my particular place of employment is exceptional.

I also find myself from time to time looking at Andy, smiling, and saying, "Boy I'm glad you're alive." Not all cancer parents can say that to their cancer kid. That's quite a blessing.