I'm coining a new term. PCTSD. Post cancer treatment stress disorder.
I've mentioned that parents of cancer survivors sometimes experience signs of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I think I'm starting to fall into this. I'll call it PCTSD for lack of a better term.
Adding geographic distance between Andy and myself seems to make it worse. Twice I've been more than 100 miles from Andy and twice it's really really REALLY bothered me.
As you know we were in Tunica for a 3-day weekend. It's just south of Memphis. You know what's in Memphis, right? St. Jude! THE children's hospital in the US.
I didn't play much blackjack but I was sitting down at a table Friday evening and a guy next to me was talking about his wife's crazy working hours. I casually asked what she does. She's an oncology nurse at St. Jude. That was enough to trigger my PCTSD.
I'm in a weird place. I'm not depressed. I'm actually feeling less stressed than I have in years. Yet there's something wrong mentally. Again I'll call it PCTSD. There are some mental things that need to be fixed. And until these are fixed I think my abdominal issues will continue. In fact my doctor has even told me as much.
Remember how strong I was during Andy's treatment? Now that he's better I guess it's gone. Although it bothered me, I would give him a shot and hook him up to a home IV pump that provided his nutrition and not even think twice about it. Now I hear Julie mention to her mom that Andy is "used to sleeping off pain" and it screws me up for hours.
I'm going to get in touch with the social worker who worked with us throughout Andy's treatment. She's mentioned that this is common.
Back to work.