So I had to go to Andy's hospital a few days ago. As you know I work for the same healthcare system. His hospital is one of my hospitals.
I'm the wireless guy, among other things. And I had to lay out some wireless access point locations.
This included both the cancer center and the 4th floor.
It was weird. To say the least. When I saw Andy's nurse at the clinic (aka the cancer center aka the Costas Center), she gave me a big hug and I thought I was going to completely lose it. In fact I had to whisper, out loud, "you can do this" just before I walked into the clinic.
But I still haven't cried. Not once. Not once since 8/9/07. And I don't know why. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe this PTSD shit will go away when I finally am able to cry. For what it's worth I almost made it to the crying point a week or 2 ago when I had to pin Andy for Julie to put a bandaid on him. I felt like I was in the 4th floor treatment room pinning him so they could re-access his port. I almost thought I was there. But I digress.
Yet I felt so safe when at the Costas Center or on the 4th floor, even though I was there on "official business." There was something about the Costas Center. And the 4th floor. I felt so... welcome. And at home. And, believe it or not, kinda at peace.
I think I need to volunteer a few hours a week or even a few hours a month to Glennon.
I brought a fist-full of pictures with me. Everyone was so happy to see Andy. Andy's Costas nurse even mentioned that he "grew into his eyes." :)
Andy still has memories. Or some kind of subconscious something-or-other. Emma had her toy stethoscope. She wanted to listen to Andy's heart. He didn't hesitate to hold up his shirt. And when Julie was putting a bandaid on him.. He freaked when she opened it because it looked like opening some Tagaderm. That is, the tape used to hold the port needle in place.
It's funny how lately I lose memories all the time but for some reason certain things from a year ago seem to feel like they just happened 3 minutes ago.
And a champagne supernova in the sky.