Friday, October 24, 2008

Caught Beneath the Landslide

So I had to go to Andy's hospital a few days ago. As you know I work for the same healthcare system. His hospital is one of my hospitals.

I'm the wireless guy, among other things. And I had to lay out some wireless access point locations.

This included both the cancer center and the 4th floor.

It was weird. To say the least. When I saw Andy's nurse at the clinic (aka the cancer center aka the Costas Center), she gave me a big hug and I thought I was going to completely lose it. In fact I had to whisper, out loud, "you can do this" just before I walked into the clinic.

But I still haven't cried. Not once. Not once since 8/9/07. And I don't know why. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe this PTSD shit will go away when I finally am able to cry. For what it's worth I almost made it to the crying point a week or 2 ago when I had to pin Andy for Julie to put a bandaid on him. I felt like I was in the 4th floor treatment room pinning him so they could re-access his port. I almost thought I was there. But I digress.

Yet I felt so safe when at the Costas Center or on the 4th floor, even though I was there on "official business." There was something about the Costas Center. And the 4th floor. I felt so... welcome. And at home. And, believe it or not, kinda at peace.

I think I need to volunteer a few hours a week or even a few hours a month to Glennon.

I brought a fist-full of pictures with me. Everyone was so happy to see Andy. Andy's Costas nurse even mentioned that he "grew into his eyes." :)

Andy still has memories. Or some kind of subconscious something-or-other. Emma had her toy stethoscope. She wanted to listen to Andy's heart. He didn't hesitate to hold up his shirt. And when Julie was putting a bandaid on him.. He freaked when she opened it because it looked like opening some Tagaderm. That is, the tape used to hold the port needle in place.

It's funny how lately I lose memories all the time but for some reason certain things from a year ago seem to feel like they just happened 3 minutes ago.

And a champagne supernova in the sky.


Anonymous said...

Regardless of all outside circumstances, the minds' eye can find peace in the middle of chaos and destruction .... it found an incredible little boy with the strength of any giant ...... an amazing man who could outdo superman in a minute with fathering skills ...... one unbelievable woman whose love for her husband and children could never be compared ..... a 5 yr old boy whose insight is second to none .... a little princess that thinks the sun rises and sets on her daddy and gave us all a bit of " Nindy, what hell doing" comic relief ....... and the minds eye found a sense of peace because the mind, heart and soul rests in a family so connected and bonded that there will never be a question .......

Ariesgeek said...

.... ok. yeah. that.

kelleys rox.

Anonymous said...

Dan, have you seen the new Ronald McDonald Family Room at Glennon? It's on the fifth floor. You really could have used it back then, it's a place for family members of patients to chill out. It's got a big screen TV, computers, showers, toiletries, scrubs to change into, washers and driers, food, an oven etc etc etc. It seems to me to be a place just to get away for a moment when you really don't want to or can't leave the hospital. Anyway, since it's brand new they need volunteers. I'm there just 3 hours a week, and there are people who work three hours a month, too. Just FYI. There may be other places in the hospital you'd feel more useful. Either way, if you haven't seen it next time you're there check it out!

Your neighbor with spider paranoia. (I did confirm it was a wolf spider, like you suspected.)

Ariesgeek said...

Yes actually I was just at the McD room when I was at Glennon. We'll be putting in wireless access for guest users there. That's a good idea, I'll keep it in mind.